she didn't have friends to share special occasions with,
because she hadn't known how to let people into her life,
and keep them there.
--- -------
he don't know how she felt when he said those words.
it might sound like she's being very petty and short-tempered.
maybe it is true that she's like that,
but please know.
she's more fragile and vulnerable than he thinks she is.
when he said those words,
it felt like someone was on a personal attack, once again.
like someone was gonna pry open her wounds, once again.
anyone knows how that feels?
before that, she so wanted to blog so desperately on how she really felt.
but whatever the guy said had diminished all those feelings.
they were like, evaporated.
and all that was left are past hurt and pains that she can never forget.
he thinks it is so easy for her to spell out all her emotions.
it's not.
and she's not capable of doing it.
she feels threatened whenever he forces her to say.
she feels like she's pushed to the corner,
opened to vulnerability.
she retaliates, yet he never understands.
he never understood how she has really felt over everything that happened.
those known to him and those unknown.
it's not that she wanna be impatient with him.
it's just that, it's because he's close to her,
that's why everything seems more vulnerable.
he can promise her a million times that he would never try to hurt her.
but to her, it's not like he doesn't ever hurt her.
man ain't perfect, she knows.
she wishes to protect herself.
maybe there's just something wrong with her.
and she doesn't deserve such a good him.
without him, her world would collapse.
but it doesn't matter anymore.
cause she's simply not good enough.
she's not bitter with anyone.
just sour about herself.
sour that she had to turn out this way.
that she didn't turn out better, but bitter.
i tried my best.
i really did.
sighs. i need a break.